Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I want to be your penis for a week.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
