I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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