Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
