grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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