at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
