I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
MIDGETS
????
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
