My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
