If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
