so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
