It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
