Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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