You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
