the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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