You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Less talking, more tequila
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
