So drunk its hurt
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she pinky promised me she was 18
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
