If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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