Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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