Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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