I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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