I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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