You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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