the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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