so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Im part way to drunk.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
