3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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