erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
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