Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
