So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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