I am puke
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
