so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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