cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
