It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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