It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i black out too much to be "responsible"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
