I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
