We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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