ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
