maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
