Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Apparently you make a good broom.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
