I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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