ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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