trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
