glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
