Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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