so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize