just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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