Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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