my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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