She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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