how can u be prego again
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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