his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
