my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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