"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just high enough for therapy.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
