Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
