they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
