I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
