Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
