Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i out mim tonsoeep
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