I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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