Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you didnt know i had herpes?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
