and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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