Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
