Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
