So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
