My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
