I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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