Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
