Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
