Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
