Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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