What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
as a side note pls kill me
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