I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
