What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
