Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
