i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
