If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
