I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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