Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Man, jail baloney is awful.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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