and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
