i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
